Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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