Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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