and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
