Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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