I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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