Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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