I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
