Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
