You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
