thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
