I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Let's get the cat blown out
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
