we have pet lesbian snakes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
