my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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