Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
