We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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