The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
