i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
