her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My ass is underappreciated
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
