i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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