Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think I died a long time ago.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Damn victory sex feels great
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
