Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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