You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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