i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
