am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
