you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
