I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
