Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
