do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
