alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
