My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
