what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
