I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
