I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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