Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
