He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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