Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
