So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
