1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
