I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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