I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
