all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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