I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
