I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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