So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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