dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
