Need sex. Gaining weight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
