I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
