I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
third nipple confirmed
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
