Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
