I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
