I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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