i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
