genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
