I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I smell stomach acid.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
