moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
